My Police Investigation
Across the Street from the crime scene
Today Kolby, Mickey, and myself were riding around Batesville snapping some pictures for this webpage. While going down main street near Rascals we spot the 5-0's blue lights flashing. Hey what a great picture this would be...Batesville's finest doing what they do best. I take a left turn at Hot Tunes and head down the residential road heading toward Ace Hardware. The cops have 3 men handcuffed on the ground in a circle right by Ace Hardware. Mickey goes to snap a shot and I say," Wait, I'll drive by real slow so you can get a good shot." I drive up and Mickey snaps the infamous picture. Faster than you can say Dunkin Donuts this one cowboy cop high steps it to his car. He is running so fast his knees are hitting his forehead. I wonder to myself,"Why is he in such a hurry?" Mickey says,"Hes coming for us." I think this cannot be possible! I take a right onto the side road heading towards Pizza Hut (R.I.P.). I then head for m
While driving back to the scene of the real crime I make sure to adibe by every single traffic law ever made. I guess its not illegal for cops to tailgate because The Cowboy almost rode right into my tailpipe. As I pull up to the real crime scene this cop in big black boots signals for me to pull in... yeah no kidding buddy! We will call this cop "Drill Seargent from now on. I put my car in park and The Cowboy is getting ready to chew my butt a bit more. Mickey is again asked what he thought he was doing and before he could answer he was asked to get out of the car. Tons of those 4 letter words that you don't want your kids saying are now flying.
*The female cop with the thin metal Oakleys is now coming to help control us...
I don't know if the cops were taking the drugs they got from the 3 guys they pulled over or what, but they sure wanted the picture of them we had. (Drug sharing is apparently a common practice for the hernando cops (or so I've heard)). Mickey has his butt chewed on for a while and eventually it comes down to this: He could be taken to jail for some shi* like this. Mickey asks the cop to watch his language because there in a 13 year old in the car. That was a big mistake! "Boy!, don't you tell me what to do!", says The Cowboy. Mickey has no id on him and his origin is uncertain to the cops. "Where are you from originally boy?", says The Cowboy. (This question has nothing to do with what they pulled us over for!) Drill Seargent now says,"He's probably stayin' with those boys over at El Charro's." Yeah right! Mickey is Samoan... can you not tell any difference? Question: Why do cops refer to everyone as boys? Now its my turn...
Finally, the only cool cop that has ever pulled me over walks up. (We think this guy was the undecover cop.) I guess he saw his buddies doing a bang up job of blotching another investigation and decided to step in. (Thank Goodness!) This cop does not ask if I'm trying to be cute. He doesn't try to start something or find a real reason to get mad at me after the fact. He gets to the point, and does it calmly and treats me how every cops should treat people. If cops treated people better I think more people would be more willing to help. This cop talks about what if one of us were an undercover cop? (Hmm... well seeing how hes in civilian clothes... I guess its him...) So I guess I could have blown his cover is what this talk is about. But wait, what about the part with the interference in police investigation? Don't think hard because your not going to find a link! Oh, thats right, that was a bullshi* charge and its long gone neve
During my conversation with the cool cop... Drill Seargent mutters cute little remarks about...We need to rip the film out of that Goddam* camera! This cop knows nothing but brute force aparently, and I hope he doesn't have kids because I know they would get beat! Really I think this guy needs to be on a S.W.A.T. team to better utilize his angry feelings. Maybe he could be a football player. And ol' John Wayne should go to Wyoming because he can't keep his spurs from jingling and jangling...
This one guy thats talkin some sence says that this is just a suggestion but he thinks maybeI should open the camera to expose the file. In case you didn't know... doing so would result in the ruining of the film - making it completely unprocessable. I agree and expose the film and place it inside my car. I wouldn't dare throw it out on the ground! Drill Seargent blows some more crap out of his mouth and it results in meaning he wants the spent film. I hand it to him. He rips the film from the protective casing and throws them both on the ground. He now proceeds to make a fool out of himself by stomping the film and casing into the gravel. The col cop talks but i can't hear him as I just watch my film get booted deeper into the gravel. He nearly falls over once because he is stomping this film so hard. Once he is satisfied he picks up the film only, not the protective casing, and looks me in the eye for a second then puts the film into his
Really... What are the Seargent and John Wayne thinking? They are pretty ignorant. Did the police academy teach them to be rude as well as stupid?
The good cop tels us to think more next time and he is finished. You wouldn't believe what a terrible person I must look like with 5 police cars pulling away from my car and how stupid it must seem to 5 cars to be investigating me and never have me get out of the car... We take off to my house and I load up the camera again. We head back to the crime scene and I take a picture of the smashed film casing. What is that about a $500 fin for littering on a roadside? Not today fellas... Cops have a special charisma about them that lets them get by with stuff like this. You know if you can't even get help from the cops... how is Mississippi going to be litter free by 2003?
I'm hungry! Lets get a taco!
All the evidence I have left